Baby carrots are making me gay.

The beauty of new media is that no evidence is necessary. The brave blog-troopers have stormed the cockpit of news, and wrestled the joystick of authority away from the seasoned pilots of the press who would land our country at the Facts International Airport.

Usually when Donald Trump wants to keep someone out of military service, he just fakes a doctor's note saying he has a foot injury. It worked fine for him during Vietnam.

Trump will not respond to reasoned argument. He will not be held accountable for the things he said. All you can do is point and laugh. Because the devil cannot abide mockery.

Cynics always say no. Saying yes leads to knowledge. So for as long as you have the strength to, say yes.

Life is an improvisation. You have no idea what's going to happen next and you are mostly just making things up as you go along.

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.