Baby carrots are making me gay.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

If you're doing nothing wrong, you have nothing to hide from the giant surveillance apparatus the government's been hiding.

You don't need the right facts if you have the right inflection.

I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.

North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'

I have no interest in behaving or thinking cynically. But it's an easy trap to be cynical about anything, certainly when you're talking about politics or the media.