Baby carrots are making me gay.

If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?

We have this idea in our mind that there's a separation of church and state in America, which I think is a good thing. And we extend that to our politics. Like it's not just church and state, but it's also there's a separation of religion and politics. But of course, there - there isn't.

Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.

Class is a way of looking at society that divides people into different categories based on how much money they're willing to make.

You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'.

We [comics] create our own reality on the show. I'm in a cocoon of the character's creation. Even within that reality, he's in a cocoon. While I'm an improviser and enjoy discovery, the show follows a script. I have a pretty good idea what's going to happen. It's a very ­crafted, controlled environment.