Used books are the sluts of the literary world. Passed around from person to person, spreading their pages for anyone, getting cheaper and cheaper until eventually they end up in prison.

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.

There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.

I'm proud of my ability to understand what somebody else is trying to do and help them achieve it, because part of the aesthetic of improvisation is service. We don't lead, we only follow. You never say no. Serve the servant, follow the follower. And that's very valuable in your life, as well as very valuable in your work.

Throughout human history, countries rise and fall. But not America-we continue to rise and rise, like dough, until Jesus bakes us in the fiery Afterscape of the Rapture.