Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding?

In order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.

The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun

You have to do your First Penance before your First Holy Communion. You're really young. What do you know? You've got nothing to confess. All I knew was that I was an evil human whose sins caused the death of our Lord.

Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.

Here's how it works: the president makes decisions. He's the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Just put 'em through a spell check and go home. The greatest thing about this man is he's steady. You know where he stands. He believes the same thing Wednesday that he believed on Monday, no matter what happened Tuesday. Events can change; this man's beliefs never will.