Thankfully dreams can change. If we'd all stuck with our first dream, the world would be overrun with cowboys and princesses. So whatever your dream is right now, if you don't achieve it, you haven't failed and you're not some loser-but just as importantly-if you do get your dream, you're not a winner.

I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl.

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

The cost of living keeps going up, although death is surprisingly affordable.

Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram.

Thirty seconds is the exact amount of time Americans can tolerate something they don't understand.

My guest Newt Gingrich shut down the government during the Clinton administration. I'll ask him when it's gonna start working again.