Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics.

I'm not going to name any names, but let's just say, I want to do jokes on Donald Trump so badly, and I have no venue. So right now, I'm just dry Trumping.

NC passed law against global warming science, therefore it's not happening. So I'm ignoring Twitter's 140-character limit, so it's not happ

If we raise taxes on corporations, what incentive will they have to make money other than the fact that it's the sole reason they exist.

Al Gore has a hit movie called 'An Inconvenient Truth.' I have an inconvenient truth for him: you're still not the president. ... This past weekend, Al Gore's movie, 'An Inconvenient Truth,' earned more per screen than any film in the country. ... I dare say Gore's movie is the highest grossing PowerPoint presentation in history. ... Global warming: Can we live with it? ... It is time we did something, namely resign ourselves to doing nothing [on screen: Follow Congress' Lead]. ... For instance, when sea levels rise, we'll just build levees [on screen: Worked for New Orleans]

Turn up your hearing aid 'Grandpa', because I'm only going to say this once!

Other people's deconstruction of your motivations doesn't help you do what you do. You can't swallow and think about swallowing at the same time.