Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

I have two last pieces of advice. First, being pre-approved for a credit card does not mean you have to apply for it. And lastly, the best career advice I can give you is to get your own TV show. It pays well, the hours are good, and you are famous. And eventually some very nice people will give you a doctorate in fine arts for doing jack squat.

My character is self-important, poorly informed, well-intentioned but an idiot. So we said, `Let's give him a promotion.'

Sorry, but retirement offends me. You don’t just stop fighting in the middle of a war because your legs hurt. So why do you get to stop working in the middle of your life just because your prostate hurts? That’s desertion.

Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!

When I read books it's to escape. It's so I don't have to talk to people.