Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

There must be a God, because I don't know how things work.

Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!

Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.

I may be just an empty flesh terminal reliant on technology for all my ideas, memories and relationships, but I am confident that all of that everything that makes me a unique human being is still out there somewhere, safe in a theoretical storage space owned by giant, multinational corporations.

Mentioning Jesus in your speech: Small government. Doing what Jesus asked: Big government.

You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'.