Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.

It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.

Today, folks, should be all about love. Unless you're old.

If you're injecting fear into other people, then you're trying to kill their minds. You're trying to get them to stop thinking.

Like O'Rielly, we'll grab the most important word of each sentence... 'The' for example. Also, I'll say, 'I'm angry,' and the graphic will read, 'Colbert angry.