As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!

Protect yourself from Muslim vampires by making your neck non-halal.

There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

If someone spreads hate then they're not your religious leader.

I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.

What's the worst that can happen? A tidal wave? Glaciers with guns?

I not only loved studying theater, I loved being a theater major. It gave me an excuse to brood, to grow a beard, to wear black 'at' people. I didn't just want to play Hamlet, I wanted to be Hamlet.