I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.

Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram.

A lot of people have said, "Oh, I, boy, I wish Hillary Clinton would just go away."

Charles Darwin got totally hammered, woke up next to a monkey and decided he had to come up with a theory to make it all okay.

(Rush are) like the JD Salinger of Canadian Prog Rock

I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview "wrong."

The interesting thing about fake news and fake media is that it's a heresy against reality. Again, as a Catholic, I was taught that the greatest sin was heresy. Because not only are you a sinner, you are proselytizing and inviting other people into your sinful state through your heresy. You're a recruiter for your own fallen state. Donald Trump is a heretic against reality. Basically, he's lying for sport. He's inviting people into his heresy that there is no objective reality.