I'm more American than apple pie. I'm like apple pie, with a hot dog in it.

President Bush, have a hot dog with me.

What are the origins of dressage? Did just, one day, some young horse say to his dad, 'Dad, I don't want to charge into battle...I just wanna dance'?

Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.

Now, for my younger viewers out there, a book is something we used to have before the internet. It’s sort of a blog for people with attention spans.

Agnostics are just atheists without balls.

History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!