Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.

The way to a man's heart is through his stomach...just make sure you thrust upward through his ribcage.

In 1986, our commencement speaker was George Schultz, secretary of state, fourth in line to the president. You get me-basic cable's second most popular fake newsman. At this rate, the class of 2021 will be addressed by a zoo parrot in a mortar-board that has been trained to say "congratulations.

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.

Remember, you cannot be both young and wise. Young people who pretend to be wise to the ways of the world are mostly just cynics.

Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.