I live by syllogisms: God is love. Love is blind. Stevie Wonder is blind. Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God. I don't know what I'd believe in if it wasn't for that.
Stephen ColbertObamacare takes effect in less than eight months. Do you realize what this means? If you go to the emergency room now, you'll be covered by the time you finally see a doctor.
Stephen ColbertThere is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.
Stephen Colbert