I just think Rosa Parks was overrated. Last time I checked, she got famous for breaking the law.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.

Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it's 2/3 empty. There's still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn't drink it. The last third is usually backwash. (Said to President Bush at the White House Correspondents Dinner)

There's a wonderfully cooperative relationship between management and labor right now. Much like the historic partnership between oranges and a juicer.

Arbitrary rules teach kids discipline: If every rule made sense, they wouldn't be learning respect for authority, they'd be learning logic.

We all deserve credit for this new surveillance state that we live in because we the people voted for the Patriot Act. Democrats and Republicans alike....We voted for the people who voted for it, and then voted for the people who reauthorized it, then voted for the people who re-re-authorize d it.