Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.

When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday - no matter what happened Tuesday.

As Shakespeare said, there's nothin' cooler than droppin' the 'g's off of gerunds!

There is no food closer to my heart than cheese. In fact, according to my doctor, it has nearly filled my aorta.

I'm fascinated that people drawn to cults want to know what to do. And people want to know what to think. And people want to know how to feel. Not just what to feel but how to feel.

We all know why [the generals] are so critical of the defense secretary. They're being defensive because they weren't able to implement his brilliant plan [on screen: Operation 'Greet Us As Liberators']. It was so simple: Go in with 100,000 troops, topple the regime, everybody loves us, and we leave by Easter 2003. These ex-military men have their right to their opinions, that's fine. They just shouldn't voice them during a war [on screen: 'Loose Lips Sink Approval Ratings']

I deliver my Truth hot and hard.