Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.

The summer movies are coming out. My advice: just stay home and burn a good book.

Oh sure, its fine when a monkey does it. But when I throw barrels at an Italian plumber, they call it a hate crime!

I didn't realize quite how liberal I was until I was asked to make passionate comedic choices as opposed to necessarily successful comedic choices.

Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

If it's called THE USA Today, why is all the news from yesterday?

I don't know a lot about politics. I like talking about human behavior. Politicians are funny to me because they often say one thing and behave a different way.