Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.

Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too.

What I rediscovered was the therapeutic nature of singing lessons. They're like doing yoga but for [the] inside of your body. You open up and use muscles that you don't think of as malleable.

Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.

I stand by this man (President George W. Bush). I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound.. with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.

Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.

I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.