Shamelessness is a wonderful part of the character.

It's a game. That's why we call it 'the news.' It's just a game.

Now I don't know why he's denying them habeas corpus. I can only assume the guys they got detained over there did something really unforgivable. Like remind Obama he was once a professor of Constitutional Law.

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!

Baby carrots are making me gay.

You can't swallow and think about your tongue. If you think about your tongue, you've got a giant piece of meat in your mouth and that's a terrible feeling.

Yes, President Romney will not take God off our coins. And that is so important because right now, just like God, the value of our currency really has to be taken on faith.