I believe that people, more often than not, act with the best possible intentions. And when they don't, that's funny to me. That's why comedy ends up seeming cynical, because you're talking about the gap between what people say and what they do.

I gotta tell you, I do not envy whoever they try to put in David Letterman's chair. Folks those are some huge shoes to fill, and some really big pants.

Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.

Obama avoided the Vietnam draft with a letter from his family doctor diagnosing him as medically eight.

There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.

Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram.

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.