What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

Who's Britannica to tell me that the Panama Canal was built in 1914? If I want to say that it was built in 1941, that's my right as an American.

If anybody needs anything else at their tables, just speak slowly and clearly into your table numbers. Someone from the NSA will be right over with a cocktail.

I don't get why the government is the only one that gets to print money.

Anyone can read the news to you. I promise to feel the news at you.

It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

Why would we go to war on women? They don't have any oil.