In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.

The pen is mightier than the sword, if you shoot that pen out of a gun

I hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.

History moves fast. It's hard to believe that gay Americans achieved full constitutional personhood just five years after corporations did!

If I had free time to go to Los Angeles to shoot a movie, I would rather spend it with my kids.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.