In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

(on fox news).... it's like watching a Disney movie about the news.

Global warming isn't real because I was cold today! Also great news: world hunger is over because I just ate.

I tell a lot of young performers, 'Go get in trouble. Go commit yourself to something you're not sure you can do.' And I followed my own advice.

Pissing off PETA is as easy as pie. Delicious kitten pie.

There is a residual sense for me, having grown up in the early '70s, that I did not know I had, which was a sense that the military are different than I. Because there was such a divide between the military world - and there still is, because there's no draft - and the civilian world is one of the rotten harvests of the Vietnam War, was this sort of bifurcation of America in that way.