...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.
Stephen ColbertIn order to be a top-tier candidate, I need 7.5 million dollars, and I currently have 0.0 million dollars.
Stephen ColbertI hope people'll find out pretty quickly that the guy they saw for 10 years was my sense of humor the whole time.
Stephen ColbertScience attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. Thatโs right, โwaste.โ I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
Stephen Colbert