Warning, I may contain more than a trace amount of nut.

Gravitas is the soup bone in the stew of television news.

Look, PETA! If God hadn't wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them so darn tasty!

Now I don't know why he's denying them habeas corpus. I can only assume the guys they got detained over there did something really unforgivable. Like remind Obama he was once a professor of Constitutional Law.

Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.

What's the worst that can happen? A tidal wave? Glaciers with guns?

I'm not a standup. I didn't start off as a writer, I learned to write through improvisation, and so that's the part of the show that can most surprise me. The written part of the show, I know I can get wrong. You can't really get the interview "wrong."