Warning, I may contain more than a trace amount of nut.

Oh sure, its fine when a monkey does it. But when I throw barrels at an Italian plumber, they call it a hate crime!

Trump will not respond to reasoned argument. He will not be held accountable for the things he said. All you can do is point and laugh. Because the devil cannot abide mockery.

When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.

I don't trust books. They're all fact, no heart. And that's exactly what's pulling our country apart today. Because face it, folks, we are a divided nation. Not between Democrats or Republicans, or conservatives and liberals, or tops and bottoms. No, we are divided by those who think with their head, and those who know with their heart.

I won't be doing the new show in character, so we'll all get to find out how much of him was me. I'm looking forward to it.

It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick.