When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.

I'm a junkie for exhaustion, and I'm a junkie for setting up my expectations too high and then trying to meet them.

Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything. It's certainty.

Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.

As we all know, reality has a liberal bias.

And my daughter said, 'Why are you yelling at us?' and I said, 'I'm trying to discipline you!' And then she looked up at me with her tear-stained eyes and said, 'This is how you teach children, by making them cry.' And it was such a clenching reminder - she won not only the argument, but she won life with that statement. I just burst out laughing, and I think they were so surprised that I burst out laughing, that they did too.

Ignorance is bliss. Oedipus ruined a great sex life by asking too many questions.