I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.

If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.

I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.

If I had one wish, it would be for self-drying pants. Wait -- no! Unlimited wishes! How do I return these stupid pants?!

Think books aren't scary? Well, think about this: You can't spell "Book" without "Boo!

Well China, you got us. Phelps was doping - and he still beat you. He smoked the sticky-icky, and then he smoked your ass!

If I'm doing a talk show or an interview, or pretty much anything where I can't control the context, I'm loath to do the character.