I may not agree with what you have to say but I will fight you to the death for the right to fight you to the death.

When my car runs out of gas, I buy a new one. I don't want to ride around with a quitter.

Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor.

A father has to be a provider, a teacher, a role model, but most importantly, a distant authority figure who can never be pleased. Otherwise, how will children ever understand the concept of God?

I'm proud of my ability to understand what somebody else is trying to do and help them achieve it, because part of the aesthetic of improvisation is service. You never say no. Serve the servant, follow the follower. And that's very valuable in your life, as well as very valuable in your actor's work. I'm damn proud of my ability to help other people achieve their ideas.

Republicans and nerds have so much in common -- they both live in fantasy worlds and have no idea how to relate to women.

You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'.