Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.

Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.

Facebook stock continues to plummet. People started selling once they found out their mom bought it too.

It used to be, everyone was entitled to their own opinion, but not their own facts. But that's not the case anymore. Facts matter not at all. Perception is everything.

Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.

In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth.” Sorry, Darwin-huggers, but it’s not “In the beginning, a monkey evolutioned gay marriage.

You have to have a passionate opinion; otherwise you sound false. You end up telling the audience jokes they've already heard.