Everybody loves dogs. They're the pizza of the animal kingdom.

Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.

That’s why our TVs are brimming with so much hot man-on-pan action. You can’t channel surf for long without seeing turkey getting stuffed over and over until they finally cut to the gravy shot.

Yes, Dr. King is pro-gun just as surely as Jesus would be pro-nails.

Donald Trump is a strong president. We got to stand behind this guy is what I think.

I gut check my show. I say, I say, "Gut, gut, does that feel true to you?" And Gut says, "Yes it does, Stephen. Let's get a grilled cheese sandwich."

If Obama can force you to get health insurance just by calling it a tax, than there is nothing to stop him from making you gay marry an illegal immigrant wearing a condom on a hydroponic pot farm powered by solar energy.