I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.

Can you really put a price on annoying two religions at once?

A press that has validity is a press that has authority. And as soon as there's any authority to what the press says, you question the authority of the government - it's like the existence of another authority.

Hey, single malt scotch, youre thirty years old. When are you going to settle down and get married to my stomach?

Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.

Thinking that other people might be better than you is what makes you Canadian, not American.

...why were you happier when you were a kid? Because you didn't know anything. The more you know, the sadder you get.