I believe in pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps. I believe it is possible — I saw this guy do it once in Cirque du Soleil. It was magical.

Arby's: If I was about to be killed, I would eat it.

Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.

North Korea is willing to go to any lengths for the whole world to honor its demands of 'Ooh, please pay attention to us.'

We have no desire to make anybody look like a blithering idiot, but we do love it when they do.

I believe Sarah Palin is a true statesman, whose experience as a failed vice presidential candidate, half-term governor and eight-episode reality star has fully prepared her to take control of our nuclear arsenal.

And if you love only yourself, you will serve only yourself. And you will have only yourself.