If you use big words, no one will know you aren't doing jack squat.

I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.

My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.

Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.

I used to make up stuff in my bio all the time, that I used to be a professional ice-skater and stuff like that. I found it so inspirational. Why not make myself cooler than I am?

I've been accused of being unambitious, but what I do takes up every minute. I'm executive producer, I'm a writer and the host.

I tell a lot of young performers, 'Go get in trouble. Go commit yourself to something you're not sure you can do.' And I followed my own advice.