Contraception leads to more babies being born out of wedlock, like fire extinguishers lead to more fires.

There's nothing wrong with stretching the truth. We stretch taffy, and that just makes it more delicious.

We have no desire to make anybody look like a blithering idiot, but we do love it when they do.

Young girls are obsessed with having a thigh gap. I blame the impossible body standards set by Spongebob.

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

I'm obviously younger, much better looking [then Jeorge W.Bush].He didn't veto things, he didn't bring order and fiscal restraint.

Summer movie idea: take all the sequels that are out right now, and make movies about their backstories.