It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.

To sit here at the same table with my hero, George W. Bush...I feel like I'm dreaming. Somebody pinch me. You now what, I'm a pretty sound sleeper, that may not be enough...Somebody shoot me in the face.

You don't want to just do a joke because it works - we can make a lot of jokes work - you want to do a joke because it will hopefully build into an argument.

If a poor family falls on hard times in the woods, and no one is around to care, did it really happen?

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

So my heart goes out to them. Figuratively. I would never actually entrust my heart to scientists—they'd probably implant it in a baboon. And a baboon with my heart would be practically unstoppable. Baboon strength and agility combined with my determination and media savvy? It would be a threat to all of humanity.

Divorce is marital welfare.It’s just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn’t do enough research before they got married.