It's no surprise I am addicted to all the Republican presidential candidates. They are like crack -- in that they will devastate black communities.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.

People would say, "Oh, you say you just do jokes." I don't just do jokes. I do jokes. Jokes are important. They saved my life when I was younger. Hopefully we're making things nicer at the end of the day for people. That's the entire goal, and that's the touchstone and the North Star for the tone.

It's like boxing a glacier. Enjoy that metaphor, by the way, because your grandchildren will have no idea what a glacier is.

There's a buzz to failing and not dying.

Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!

I have a generally liberal audience, but they will applaud when I nail a liberal lion.