Science attacks our most cherished opinions. Opinions which come straight from our collective gut. Oh, wait, according to gastroenterologists, the only thing that comes from the gut is waste left from the digestion of food. That’s right, “waste.” I guess that means that scientists literally think our opinions should be flushed down the toilet!
Stephen ColbertGive a man a suicide bomb, he blows up once. Teach a man to suicide bomb, he also blows up once.
Stephen ColbertRepublicans will need to work hard to capture the Latino vote instead of their current strategy of capturing Latinos.
Stephen ColbertTomorrow you're all going to wake up in a brave new world, a world where the Constitution gets trampled by an army of terrorist clones created in a stem-cell research lab run by homosexual doctors who sterilize their instruments over burning American flags. Where tax and spend Democrats take all your hard-earned money and use it to buy electric cars for National Public Radio and teach evolution to illegal immigrants. Oh... and everybody's high!
Stephen Colbert