Evil exists because of the disobedience of Satan. God gave Satan, and the angels, and man free will. Satan used his free will and abused it by not obeying authority. Hell was created by Satan’s disobedience to God, and his purposeful removal from God’s love—which is what hell is. Removing yourself from God’s love. You send yourself to hell. God does not send you there.

Hey yogurt, if you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera?

We will try to honor David Letterman achievement by doing the best show we can.And occasionally making the network very mad at us.

They said you can't go to the moon. They said you can't put cheese inside a pizza crust, but NASA did it. They had to, because the cheese kept floating off in space.

We don't have to look for what the next thing will be. If experience is any judge, it'll come flowing toward us like a river.

Divorce is marital welfare.It’s just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn’t do enough research before they got married.

I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.