I hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Or, as it's known to Native Americans - Sarcastic You're Welcomesgiving.

If God wanted us to accept gays, he'd have made us compassionate

I can really find something interesting about almost anyone I talk to.

I'm a huge news junkie. I love what the news does.

It's official. Highway patrolmen are not susceptible to the Jedi Mind Trick.

I teach Sunday school, motherf*****.

America used to live by the motto "Father Knows Best." Now we're lucky if "Father Knows He Has Children." We've become a nation of sperm donors and baby daddies.