Researchers from Britain's Keele University have found that swearing after an injury may help alleviate pain. Evidently, the pain that you feel is inversely proportional to the number of middle names you give Jesus.
Stephen ColbertThanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America's obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car.
Stephen ColbertRepublicans will need to work hard to capture the Latino vote instead of their current strategy of capturing Latinos.
Stephen ColbertIf this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn't help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we've got to acknowledge that He commanded us to love the poor and serve the needy without condition and then admit that we just don't want to do it.
Stephen ColbertThatโs why our TVs are brimming with so much hot man-on-pan action. You canโt channel surf for long without seeing turkey getting stuffed over and over until they finally cut to the gravy shot.
Stephen ColbertThe interesting thing about grief, I think, is that it is its own size. It is not the size of you. It is its own size. And grief comes to you. You know what I mean? Iโve always liked that phrase โHe was visited by grief,โ because thatโs really what it is. Grief is its own thing. Itโs not like itโs in me and Iโm going to deal with it. Itโs a thing, and you have to be okay with its presence. If you try to ignore it, it will be like a wolf at your door.
Stephen Colbert