Am I proud of being straight? No. You know why? Because if I start acting proud, that's going to make me seem kind of gay.

President Bush, have a hot dog with me.

Divorce is marital welfare.It’s just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn’t do enough research before they got married.

Speak from the balls, not from the diaphram.

Cardinal Dolan, of course, has a very, very hard job: trying to hold up Catholic family values in sexually liberal New York City. I'm not saying New York is the Gay Mecca. But it's at least Gay-rusalem.

It's the way our founding fathers would have wanted it, if they had founded corporations instead of just a country.

You don't need the right facts if you have the right inflection.