Now we all know that Fidel Castro dressed up like Marilyn Monroe and gave JFK a case of syphilis so bad it eventually blew out the back of his head.

I can't prove it, but I can say it.

Sixty eight percent of Republicans don't believe in evolution. On the other hand, only five percent of monkeys believe in Republicans.

If Corporations are people, I guarantee you that a government of those people, by those people, and for those people will continue to exist.

I’m the frosting on America’s cake, and tonight I’m willing to let you lick the bowl.

Marijuana is a gateway drug that can lead to awful things, like Phish getting back together.

This is a crucial time in the fight for corporate civil rights. Just look at the hateful signs at Occupy Wallstreet: 'Corporations Are Not People!' Wow, I thought we were past the point in this country where some people aren't people just because they have different color skin or different religion or were born in a lawyer's office, only exist on paper, have no soul and can never die.