The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.

A hundred percent of marriages end in divorce, disappearance or death.

Let us forget the past - this is the only way to be genuinely surprised.

He has been positively growing tusks trying to create a breed of human insect which will continue to live on this accursed planet. Everyone needs a goal.

Satire works in a bunch of specific ways, like a very precisely-geared bomb. It's a bit like something that looks harmless, and you swallow it, but once it's inside you it's too late, and it triggers, blowing up. And it's your specific inner beliefs and faulty arguments that trigger a satire bomb. If your arguments work, the bomb doesn't trigger, it doesn't need to.

Biting enemies seems to be acceptable in a surprisingly narrow range of circumstances, or so a ninja shouted at me once

Most books are so well written they barely have any effect on the reader's senses