The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.

One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of God's existence.

An office is a machine for dying.

The law is where reality goes to die.

In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that.

What’s life in this nation? Collect emptiness in a household of cornflakes. Transient fuel gobbles attention, the television aches, the truth walks. Scheme worms welcome your corpse, trap clicks and you’re in heaven, bored rigid

How many times does a man have to shave before his chin gets the message?