Steve Aylett Quotes

Gun stripping is the tea ceremony of America.

Let us forget the past - this is the only way to be genuinely surprised.

Dreams always end before you kill the last person.

From space this Earth is incandescent with abominations - the gods write their signature in our entrails

A sniper is like a genius - it’s not enough to be one, you have to be one at something.

The great thing about being ignored is that you can speak the truth with impunity.

What happens when the hitcher and the driver are equally murderous?

One golfer a year is hit by lightning. This may be the only evidence we have of God's existence.

An office is a machine for dying.

The law is where reality goes to die.

Stab me if you can enjoy it - but not if it feels like a duty. Stab me vertically if I'm lying down and horizontally if I'm running

Fractal litigation, whereby the flapping of a butterfly’s wings on one side of the world resulted in a massive compensation claim on the other.

In America, fundamentalist Christians believe the world was created 6,000 years ago - in England people drink in bars that are older than that.

Biting enemies seems to be acceptable in a surprisingly narrow range of circumstances, or so a ninja shouted at me once

He has been positively growing tusks trying to create a breed of human insect which will continue to live on this accursed planet. Everyone needs a goal.

Hang up the phone on a vampire, the definition of carefree.

A society will manufacture an image of progress and locate it in the direction it wishes to take us.

Honesty is the voice that is acceptable in every matter.

Scientists used to do an experiment whereby a dog's repeated reward for performing a task was unaccountably replaced by punishment. The dog, knowing it would be penalized for doing well or doing badly, would become melancholic and inactive. This and other unforeseeable results were funded by taxing up to sixty percent of people's earnings. People became strangely melancholic and inactive

Originality irritates so obscurely that people may have to evolve to scratch it.

A hundred percent of marriages end in divorce, disappearance or death.

It’s a shame, sort of a waste, that most people are influenced by what the newspaper supplements tell them is the book they are meant to be seen reading this year. It seems like those people aren’t really interested in books. If you’re really into books, you havoc all over the place picking up disparate stuff which you devour hungrily, and the ‘selection’ process is more like a sixth sense hunger, a billion miles away from fashion.

What’s life in this nation? Collect emptiness in a household of cornflakes. Transient fuel gobbles attention, the television aches, the truth walks. Scheme worms welcome your corpse, trap clicks and you’re in heaven, bored rigid

We have truth in order not to die of art.

One thing you’ll say for skeletons, they’ll always give you a smile.

In books there's nothing of the fish covered in the coldness of the sea, or the feeling of a star touching space. Bad for business.

The most amusing thing about a pantomime horse is the necessity of having to shoot it twice.

Sanity’s a virginity of the mind

Most books are so well written they barely have any effect on the reader's senses

Ideas are self-replenishing, like snot

How many times does a man have to shave before his chin gets the message?

The optimist sees the future as a rabbit sees the oncoming truck - getting bigger, not closer.

Satire works in a bunch of specific ways, like a very precisely-geared bomb. It's a bit like something that looks harmless, and you swallow it, but once it's inside you it's too late, and it triggers, blowing up. And it's your specific inner beliefs and faulty arguments that trigger a satire bomb. If your arguments work, the bomb doesn't trigger, it doesn't need to.

Since childhood I’d been suspected of imagination

The best way of getting into something is to think of it as mischief.

A key and a strangler - this is all a simple tale requires.