She had destroyed whatever was between us by making a profound gaffe: She met me.

I never touched a gun in my life. That and that alone forever doomed me to middle management.

I was not self-destructive, though I almost destroyed myself. In the end, I turned away from stand-up with a tired swivel of my head...

Somewhere in the world is...The world's worst doctor and he could be yours.

I never had a movie that I wanted to do turned down in my whole life. I always write the script first so it speaks for itself.

Comedy is a distortion of what is happening, and there will always be something happening.

The teen years are extremely serious and everything matters and every insult really hurts. I know there are cliques and bullying. And you don't yet ­understand that it will all go away.