You know those things that you throw the twigs into and it spits them out? That's what I do. The branches are like life, and I throw them into my head and some of it comes out as humor.
Steven WrightWhen I was on TV in the '80s, I wasn't thinking, 'There's a 10-year-old kid watching this and in 15 years, he's gonna be doing stuff that was influenced by me.' I was trying to get my five minutes together. So now that those people are comedians and they're influenced by me - it's bizarre.
Steven WrightI wish the first word I ever said was the word "quote", so right before I die I could say "unquote".
Steven WrightWhy are they called buildings when they’re already finished? Shouldn’t they be called builts?
Steven Wright