It was the first time I was ever in love, and I learned a lot. Before that I'd never even thought about killing myself.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

All those who believe in psychokinesis - raise my hand.

In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.

Do you have any toy train schedules?

I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called "They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away 'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring."

I had my coat hangers spayed.