The other night I came home late, and tried to unlock my house with my car keys. I started the house up. So, I drove it around for a while. I was speeding, and a cop pulled me over. He asked where I lived. I said, "Right here, officer."

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it's the scenic route.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

I was arrested for lip-syncing karaoke.

If its tourist season, why cant we shoot them