You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

I have not lost my mind - it's backed up on disk somewhere.

You know how it is when you go to be the subject of a psychology experiment and nobody else shows up and you think maybe that's part of the experiment? I'm like that all the time.

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Why is it lemon juice contains mostly artificial ingredients but dishwashing liquid contains real lemons?

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.