You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

How young can you die of old age?

I bought a self learning record to learn Spanish. I turned it on and went to sleep; the record got stuck. The next day I could only stutter in Spanish.