If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

I took a course in speed reading. Then I got Reader's Digest on microfilm. By the time I got the machine set up, I was done.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

I invented the cordless extension cord.

If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?

I bought a million lottery tickets. I won a dollar.

How do you tell when you’re out of invisible ink?