I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
In my house on the ceilings I have paintings of the rooms above... so I never have to go upstairs.
If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.
I'm standing behind a wall of jokes. You don't know about my personal life, my girlfriends, or what I do when I'm not on the road. There's this guy, this comedian, and this is how he thinks, but people really don't know anything about me.