No one is listening until you make a mistake.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.
I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman.