Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

I was hitchhiking the other day and a hearse stopped. I said, 'No thanks, I'm not going that far.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the statues that are in all the other museums.

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.

I moved into an all-electric house. I forgot and left the porch light on all day. When I got home the front door wouldn't open.

I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.