There's something about being in front of a live audience that's fun. It's a really interesting, very electric, very alive, and intense experience, and you can't get it anywhere else. And I've been doing it since I was 23, so it's part of my being - it's part of my fabric as a person.

I couldn't find the remote control to the remote control.

Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it was none of my business.

I'm used to seeing it, but it's weird having an Academy Award. You usually only see one of them on the TV show when they give them out, so it's kind of surreal to have one in your house.

I've never seen electricity, that's why I don't pay for it

I was once arrested for resisting arrest.

I’m so tired... I was up all night trying to round off infinity.