Why is it, when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, 'Did you sleep good?' I said 'No, I made a few mistakes.'

I was once arrested for resisting arrest.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I can't stop thinking like this.