When I was a fetus, I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping. I figured I should start stealing stuff while I still had no fingerprints.

The sky is falling. No, I'm tipping over backwards.

If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?

If heat rises, then heaven must be hotter than hell

I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.

It usually helps me write by reading - somehow the reading gear in your head turns the writing gear.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.