When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'

When I was a kid, I never did funny things to get attention. I was never a funny person. I was never, like, 'Oh, wow. I could say this some day on stage.'

I'm so hyper. (said with a very dull voice>

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she's asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a building...I changed my mind at the last minute, so I just flipped over and landed on my feet. Two little kittens nearby saw what happened and one turns to the other and says, "See, that's how it's done."