I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.

If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?