OK, so what's the speed of dark?

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

I hate it when my leg falls asleep. I know that means it's going to be up all night.

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, 'Well, what do you need?'

A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, 'Wish you were here.

Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?