I turned my air conditioner the other way around and it got cold out. The weatherman said 'I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today.' I said, oops

Yeah, but I don't believe everything I read.

I saw a man with a wooden leg and a real foot.

Last night I fell asleep in a satellite dish. My dreams were broadcast all over the world.

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I'm gone.

I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.