Doing a little work around the house. I put fake brick wallpaper over a real brick wall, just so I'd be the only one who knew. People come over and I'm gonna say, "Go ahead, touch it... it feels real."

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.

I got a garage door opener. It can't close. Just open.

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.

I bought a cheap piece of land... It was on someone else’s property.

I washed a sock. Then I put it in the dryer. When I took it out, it was gone.