I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".

I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.' He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'

Doing stand-up is like running across a frozen pond with the ice breaking behind you. I love it because it's dangerous.

I have the world's largest collection of seashells. I keep it on all the beaches of the world... perhaps you've seen it.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.

One day a guy tried to rob me on the street, and I had no money. So I charged him.