I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates".

I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger.

Do Roman paramedics refer to IV’s as '4's'?

I'm not afraid of heights. I'm afraid of widths.

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

To me, comedy is just twisting reality. It's commenting or observing or twisting life.

I forgot and left the lighthouse on all night. Next day the sun wouldn't rise.