I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
Only one in four jokes ever works, and I still can't predict what people will laugh at.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Right now I’m having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I’ve forgotten this before.
I saw a small bottle of cologne and asked if it was for sale. She said, "It's free with purchase." I asked her if anyone bought anything toda