Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.

When I was ten, my pa told me never to talk to strangers. We haven't spoken since.

I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over, the cop looks at it [moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly], and says, "Here, you can go"

[Referring to a glass of water:] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don't trust anybody!

If Dracula can't see his reflection in a mirror, how come his hair is always so neatly combed?

I lost a button hole.

If it’s zero degrees outside today and it’s supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?